Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
