just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I showed him my bush... on skype.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
