Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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