I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
