Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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