Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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