Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
