Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love you. Go after that dick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
