I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
