I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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