dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
