tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
