Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
