I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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