The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
