Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
