she woke up with a sticky ear
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
