About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
