I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
