i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
