then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
