I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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