glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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