You're my little dorito
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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