i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was born a porn star she said
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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