Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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