My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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