Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
