somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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