You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
