I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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