I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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