Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
