This is not my ceiling
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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