every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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