There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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