I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
