remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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