She's JV to your varsity
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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