last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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