I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
