Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
