its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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