I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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