So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
