Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
