Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
