i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
