I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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