he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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