She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
