she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
