There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
