Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
