He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think i have two assholes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
